My salute to failure

On the news tonight, I saw an event at the Botanical Gardens honoring all the valedictorians and salutatorians in our city from every school. LOL.

Prior to the news, my mom called and told me that my brothers are banned from walking across the stage, because Brother 1 (the 20-year-old) may not have enough credits due to the school losing his records. Oh, and also the fact that he keeps leaving school an hour-and-a-half early to come home and eat a bowl of cereal. And Brother 2 (the 18-year-old) couldn’t refrain from smoking pot on the day of a scheduled drug test 2 weeks before graduation. Take note: the alternative school doesn’t support potheads or undereducated 20 year-olds, even though a nice teacher physically drove to my dad’s house, yanked Brother 1 up out of the recliner and drove him back to school.

Also, my dad wants to storm the district advocating for Brother 1 because it’s wrong that the school lost his records, and for Brother 2, because, well, for starters they already paid for the cap and gown. They’re all convinced that the school just mistakenly misplaced it’s irritation with Brother 1 onto Brother 2, and he really doesn’t want Brother 2 to see a bunch of adults using vengeance and think that vengeance is the answer. Pot, though, may still be the answer if he’s allowed to walk the stage. Who fails a scheduled drug test?

Three out of three brothers have been expelled from the public school system for various reasons, sent to the alternative school and, of the three, only one will have actually graduated. Vengeance is the scariest part of this situation. (Obv)

My grandma on the other hand, who already owns 3 floor-to-ceiling cabinets full of party favors, tablecloths, hats, napkins, forks, candles, plates and noise-makers for every occasion, up to and including graduation, and would never let a silly thing like expulsion keep her from throwing a good party, called my mom today and this was their conversation:

“Trisha? Honey, I’m here at this paper place… oohh, yes, is this one on sale too? and…hello? You there? I’m at this paper place and for $26 we can have the napkins…let me describe them…they have a confetti-like in the corner…well, a triangle shape in one direction, its real festive looking, and they have a special where you can get 100 napkins with their names imprinted, well, the one I’m looking at has four girls names, because they all had their party together, but I mean, we could print Ben-uh-Bry-uh Benjamin and Brandon’s names on—this one? No, no, I mean this one— Trisha? And they can put their school and the date…now did you say their school colors are burgundy and white?”

Hopefully my dad will convince the school that vengeance is not the example to set for a truant, drug-using 18 to 20 year-old so that we can have graduation party instead of an “OMG, you’re still in high school?” party, because my mom already sent out the invitations and grandma’s at the party store.

That would be like throwing myself a shower at 30 for the party of it, which I am still planning to do if I have not yet found something to celebrate. It will be held at the Botanical Gardens, and I will invite my brothers and anyone else who has a failure to celebrate, and I’m going to call the news and we’ll all make extraordinary speeches.It will be just perfect.