May I be frank?

In an email, someone asked if I have low moments here and what they look like.
Trust, I have them. And, yes, I’ll share.

Everyday when I come home from school, there are these little tiny fire ants on my bed. I’ve searched the premises. I can’t figure out where they’re coming from or how they get there. But those stupid ants are consistent. They show up daily at 3:30 like a blood-sucking welcome committee. I think it might be the window.

Sometimes my clothes don’t get dry all the way and end up smelling like mildew. Usually I have to rewash the damp ones in a Ziplock bag with a few drops of ALL in my room, and last night the Ziplock leaked and spilled all over my floor.

I am tired of “letting it mellow”. Sometimes I just want to flush, okay? It’s how I was raised.

Electricity was out in the village from Saturday afternoon to Sunday night. I don’t know why—they say it happens all the time. While I was showering, the water also went out—mid shampoo. I had to go around back to the rainwater faucet and rinse, and then back to the pitch-black bathroom. When I switched on the flashlight, a little roach scurried out of the sink. (They are my newest freak-out, recently surpassing spiders.) I ran back to the outside faucet and brushed my teeth there, where I could keep an eye on every living, breathing, moving thing.

Today, I am tired of hearing loud Spanish rap outside my window. I am trying to sleep.

On that note, I am really tired. Like, exhausted. This morning I did not want to get out of bed, because it was pouring down rain and cold out—the type of day I might have taken advantage of in the States to call in sick and lay on the couch watching Oprah. But I remembered my purpose here (and my lack of access to Oprah) and forced myself to not play sick. I walked the mile to school in the pouring rain only to find that classes had been canceled—due to rain. (Funny, yes. But I am beginning to realize that rain can be a real a problem if your kids live 1-2 miles from school and walk everyday, or if the downpours are so hard you can’t hear the teacher teaching, or if your school has open windows.)

I taught my lesson to those faithful 6 kids who showed up in boots and raincoats, and then I walked home. I thought I deserved a choco-banana for my efforts, but the lady across the street was out.

Those are what ordinary low moments look like for me.

That said, I had a monumental moment Sunday night praying for the girls on The Youth Discipleship Walk. It made me cry just thinking about them and remembering what it was like the first time I really understood agape love.

It brought to mind this favorite Mother Teresa quote:

“I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

And it inspired me to always LOVE loving people, even when— especially when our cups feel empty, because in the loving, God, who IS love, will fill us up. It’s true.

Example: Just five minutes ago Stephanie and Norelli knocked on my door (in the middle of this crap list) and begged me to pick limes with them, because I am tall and can reach the best ones. Picking limes was the absolute LAST thing I wanted to do today— I really wanted to just lay in bed dreaming about pizza and Oprah, but I went. It was the best 20 minutes of my day. The walk was refreshing, I enjoyed the coolness, the conversation, the breaking clouds, the opportunity to be available for two eleven-year-olds who just wanted to hang out, and I enjoyed a tall, dreamy glass of lime-aid when we returned ☺

Here is my new campaign:

“Love me”

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11 thoughts on “May I be frank?”

  1. I was so very moved…to tears…AGAIN! Thank you for sharing the good, the bad and the lovely. Amazing how the eyes of children never lie…May your cup runneth over…:)

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  2. And one more thing…Your posts are the last thing I read before I go to bed at night and teh first place I go in the moring to see if there is anything new. I can’t wait to hear about your day, feel your pain, share your joy, agree in prayer and cover you with His provision. I am seeing things I’ve never seen before through your eyes. You have such an amazing gift….and your writing isn’t bad either!

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  3. Just kidding! I realized it when I went back to read it when I commented on it- but I thought you might enjoy the Irish reference! :) Miss you!

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  4. Brooke…YOU ROCK! You are soooo real! Isn’t it amazing that we realize love the most when we are focused on others; interestingly enough, seems you spend most of your life focusing on others!

    I wanted a little pick-me-up at work today, so I was thrilled to read your post.

    We’ll see if we can find a deterrent for fire ants…certainly not ants that you want in your pants!

    Praying for you daily! In Him – Suzanne

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  5. BROOKE! You are so awesome! I could NEVER share a bathroom with cock roaches or my bed with ants! For that matter I am discovering I NEED windows and doors!! :) However I am very jealous that you get to experience the things you are! You are probably the best teacher those kids have ever had! I love reading your blog…..it makes me want to be a better writer! ha ha!
    I’m saying I’m anonymous but it’s me….Sara! (the one who is not afriad to wear cow boxers and a black long sleeved shirt for an outfit!) :)
    I miss you! I’m praying for you out there!

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  6. Hi Brooke,
    I’ve been praying for you this week, as well as every day since you’ve been gone…Love your messages. Great insight and sharing. My daughter had her twin boys last week. All doing fine.
    Take care dear one
    Love
    Carole

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