My motherboard, myself

Macbook is home.

The motherboard was defective, whatever that means. I thanked the guy and said, “Yeah, my mom has been acting funny too lately, can you do anything about her?”  He would have laughed, I’m sure, but my phone rang. It was my mom. See? She knows.

Which brings me to my next topic: Adult Children of Active Facebook Users.

When did it become normal for parents start creeping onto Facebook? I realize my parents are just extra-technological with finding internet spouses and all, but honestly you guys, as a group, we really dropped the ball on this one. Parents should be confined to the geriatric network (as opposed to the Indianapolis or FW network)—which could be visited, but, for the love of God, not flung wide open for all of them to just run loose. Don’t even get me started on grandparents hanging around—there goes my whole new blog idea: Conversations with Crazy Grammy.

Hey grandma.
Are you working?
Are you busy?
Well, I didn’t think you’d ever call me back.
Grandma, I’ve been calling you all week. I left three messages.
No, you didn’t.
Yes, I did. Check your messages.
Nope. My phone makes a little noise when there’s a message.
Well, I left one. Maybe its broken or something.
No, it always makes a little noise. You must have called someone else.
Grandma, it was your voicemail. Your number is on speed dial. It was you.
No. Huh-uh. It didn’t make that little noise.
Why don’t you just check your messages. Just in case. I’ll wait.
No, Brookie. It always makes that little noise, but—Oh! (laugh) Isn’t that funny? (laugh) I have three messages. (laugh) It always makes that little noise. (laugh) Isn’t that funny, darlin? (laugh)
See? I told you.
Well, I just hadn’t heard from you in a while. I thought I might get a thank-you card or something for the pajamas I gave you last spring.
Oh, well, yeah, I love those pajamas. I thought we covered that at the house. Sorry.
Well, you’ve been busy. You’ve got a lot going on up there. Are you running around with Sprinky today?
No, she is in South Carolina
Oh! She is? What’s she doing there?
Visiting our other friends, Bethany and Mike.
Oh! Bethany and Mike live in South Carolina?
You never told me that.
They’ve lived there for a year and a half.
Well, you never told me.
They moved last April.
You didn’t tell me they moved.

I didn’t know you knew them.

You didn’t tell me.
Grandma, I didn’t know you wanted to know.
That’s okay. You never tell me anything about your friends. You’re just too busy. Too busy for your grandma.


In other news, I started working this week. I got a job at the Tulane bookstore. I basically hang Tulane clothes all day and refold everything when waves of freshmen or cheerleaders or foreign golf players come in and try everything on in front of the mirror. My favorite is when the owner comes through, stands in front of a certain display and says, “Y’all’s folds are bad.”

I also love watching at all the bossy mothers in east coast accents holding up 80 different-colored sweatshirts to a nervous, eye-rolling new freshman while the little sister tries on $90 hoodies and the dad just moseys behind, whistling. I can’t help but imagine my little brothers being interested in a sweatshirt or a Taylor hat. It just never happened. If my brothers had been there, we would have ended the day in Allen County lockup for minor consumption, especially now that Brandon has taken to running around town with a can of Budlight in his hand pawning other people’s books. They were just never really into things like college hats or college sweatshirts or traditional college at all, really.

Moving on.

I made three friends in three days. They work with me in the bookstore, and all three wanted to know if I had gotten a daiquiri yet and where. They are serious about their daiquiris. By the third day, I was directing new students and worried mothers all over campus or to the nearest Wal-greens or Whole Foods or daiquiri stand like a good little local…

PS- I thought about this all day. Nine years ago today my aunt was killed in a car accident. It was awful and heartbreaking and felt like, at the time, someone had taken all the color out of the world. Whenever I think of her, besides crepes and laughing and hideous hand-me-down purple zip-up bathing suits, I think of Mr. Gay and what he wrote on a little piece of paper in the guestbook at her funeral: Bonne nuit joli petit oiseau – Goodnight pretty little bird.


16 thoughts on “My motherboard, myself”

  1. Love it. Laughed.

    I hope this isn’t weird, but I knew this week was Candy and I missed her for you. I am sad I never got to meet her.

    Happy folding and people-collecting.


  2. B…I can just hear your grandma’s voice. It brings back many memories of us hanging out at her house in Village Farms. SO FUNNY!!!


  3. ummm yeah…..when i was houma, la…..we had drive through daiquiri stands….we made it a point to go everyday after our long hard day. it was fantastic, and illegal of course. but the best treat ever. love your stories.


  4. I know-Shelby, everytime you mention my Grandma’s house in village farms, the first thing I think of is losing my bathing suit in the “lake” and you holding up a towel on the lawn for me to get out, even though it was surrounded by houses and a busy neighborhood road…


  5. Or her promising you and I $100 if we memorized sections of the Bible. Did you ever do that??
    Or pulling leaches off our legs from the pond.
    Most of all….just laughing hysterically.
    I am so sorry about Candy. I have many great memories of her, too!


  6. Or a $100 if I grew out my nails?
    I’m so glad you remember these things! Somebody should be able to attest to these things with me… I’m glad we grew up as fake cousins and that you know people like crazy grammy and Candy.


  7. so, i love your blog.
    and i miss you.
    when you think of this day 9 years ago, also remember the beginning of life as you know it with taylor friends. welcome weekend sucked, and freshman year was a rollercoaster, well…all 4 years were. but here we are and better for it.

    and i want to know what this crime is: consumption of a minor

    seriously. what the heck?


  8. aw, crazy grammie cares…about mike, i’m sure :) because he has really good bone structure. he’s easy to draw especially on bob evan place mats- with crayons.

    glad you’re making friends- and glad you’re starting to like it around there!


  9. What we are dealing with here is not the 25th birthday spectacular card game, but a breakfast at Bob Evan’s, wherein she drew a portrait of Mike on the back of the place mat with crayons and said he had good bone structure. That lady. So funny.


  10. i know, i know. it just struck me really funny yesterday when i read it, thinking your brothers had problems eating small children. i’ll laugh alone on this one, it’s ok.


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